If there’s one thing this season has revealed to me, it’s that I’m afraid to dream with God.
How’s that for some honesty on a Thursday morning?
I don’t think it would be an oversight to say that 2020 was a struggle. I went into it thinking it would be my year in so many ways. And while I launched Behold and started this long-held dream of mine, 2020 was also filled with a lot of heartaches.
I’m a natural extrovert. So being forced into quarantine to me felt like my lifeline was being cut off.
Quality time is my top love language also, so not seeing people left me a bit of a mess.
I lost my father. And not to COVID, but to a 12 year-long battle with cancer. We were told by medical professionals that he had 6 months to live, yet we only had him for 6 weeks.
I struggled through prophetic words spoken over me about my dad being at my wedding.
I wrestled with prophetic words, dreams, and visions about ministry and my future that seemed dead and in a grave.
I walked through a financial hit.
Job dreams died.
Not to mention everything that happened in the world in 2020.
Etc., etc., etc...
It seemed like everywhere I looked in 2020 there was death and heartache.
In Lord of the Rings, you know that scene when Boromir is getting hit with all of those arrows? And you’re like, come on guys, enough is enough? Yeah. That’s a pretty good picture of how I felt coming out of 2020.
I think I’ve always been somewhat of a risk-taker. I love the crazy feeling of being out on a limb with Jesus. But 2020 left me gun-shy. 2020 left me scared to trust Jesus in any capacity because I was convinced He would pull the rug out from underneath me and yell “SIKE!” Because to be completely transparent, that’s what the entirety of 2020 felt like.
So that meant when it came to believing God for things in 2021, I was hesitant. I was afraid. I was nervous. I expected the rug to be pulled out from under me and I didn’t expect God to be faithful.
But, in Jesus’ goodness and kindness, he gave me a swift kick in the butt. Through trusted friends, mentors, and time with Him, over and over again I kept hearing the phrase, “it’s time to dream again.”
It started with trusted friends holding me accountable and asking me the hard questions. Asking me why I seemed scared to dream and trust God; calling me out for ways I wasn’t acting like myself.
It developed into mentors speaking over me that God wanted me to dream again. Reminding me constantly that the Lord doesn’t speak in anxiety, fear, or disappointment. Reminding me that, as my good Father, God wanted me to continue to come to Him with these wild and crazy dreams, He wanted to see me with child-like faith again. He wanted to exceed my expectations and reveal Himself as a Father who gives good gifts to His children.
And then lastly, it was the grace of Jesus showing me in my devotional time that He had me. It was witnessing God reveal Himself as faithful, time and time again. The still small voice of the Holy Spirit prompting me to dream again with Him.
I don’t know if you find yourself in a similar situation. I don’t know if 2020 was hard for you and 2021 doesn’t seem like it’s getting that much better. Or, maybe you’ve been thriving. If so, I want to shake your hand and hug you.
One thing I do know is that dreaming with God is a beautiful thing. I know that He is trustworthy. I know that He is faithful. And I know that He is good.
So when He calls me, and you, to dream again. He doesn’t call us to dream again because He’s wanting to pull a “sike” on us. He’s calling us to dream again because He wants to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we could think, ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
It takes humility, to put long-held dreams down and to exchange them for the plans that Jesus has for us. It takes humility, it takes vulnerability, and it takes trust.
I have to remind myself, as I dream with Jesus, that His plans for me are good. That doesn’t mean they are exempt from pain, we do live in a fallen world. But, ultimately, His plans for me are for His glory. And that? Well, it’s the best thing to dream towards.
I’m not out of the woods yet and I don’t have everything figured out when it comes to overcoming being timid with dreaming again. But day by day, I’m exchanging my felt truth for His absolute truth. I’m learning, again, that He is trustworthy. Day by day I’m learning to remind my soul that His plans for me are the best and that dreaming with Him is the best place to be.
In the comments below, write down one God-dream you’re believing for in this season, and let’s pray about them together!
