The Unhealthy Spiral of Social Media
My alarm goes off every morning at 6:30AM, and in a perfect world, my right thumb would immediately open the Bible app. I would walk downstairs and make my coffee, all while simultaneously reading a Psalm. And then I’d set up my devo area for the perfect morning devotional experience.
Unfortunately, quarantine has shown me that as much as I wish this was my reality, I have a much different one that goes a little something like this:
I finally wake up around 8AM. I open my phone, check my email, and then immediately scroll right to that lovely Instagram app I adore so much.
First, I scroll through my feed. It starts out innocently enough, and with a genuine interest in the posts of those I love, those I’m in community with, and those whose lives I love to follow. Real joy and excitement flow through me… until my innocent scrolling starts to take an uglier form:
Does she get all of her photos professionally done? They’re perfect, with the best filters. Mine never look like that.
Did she seriously edit that photo? Did she photoshop herself!? I know my legs don’t
look like that. Or my skin. Ugh. Her skin looks flawless while I’m over here struggling
with adult acne.
The next person is a video about their personal opinions on the political climate in America. My anxiety immediately increases, and while I can recognize that I don’t actually need to know their political opinions, I just can’t look away. If they’re views align with mine, I’m fine. If their views go against mine, it’s an ugly spiral of “what makes them an expert in this area?!” Wanting to fact check all the data and wanting to respond in a post about my political views right now.
Then I make my way over to the stories tab:
Someone has just posted their to-do list for the day. I immediately start thinking of all the things I should get done today and all the things I didn’t finish yesterday. Even if I’m due a rest day, and I just want to sleep in and enjoy my morning, my brain is already running a mile a minute with a to-do list of things to get done.
The next story perfectly chronicles a friend’s morning devotional experience—which mine is turning out to be the complete opposite of. I shouldn’t be allowed to check emails or social media without having two cups of coffee in me (minimum).
The next is one of my favorite celebrities, and while I would love to pretend that I would never compare my life to theirs, I’m immediately affronted by bitterness because it wouldn’t be that bad to spend quarantine holed up in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. I immediately start a “woe is me” spiral of how my life will never look like theirs.
This train of thought continues, maybe sparingly if some of my closest friends are in this group of stories and posts, before I head to the discover page on Instagram. Here I’m bombarded with the latest news that really isn’t news, just people’s opinions. These all immediately spike my anxiety as I’m bombarded by horrible news. And I’m down several rabbit holes of opinions, beliefs and conspiracies. And a funny reel here and there.
All this before I refresh my feed and start this process over again.
Of course, this is an ugly look into the reality of social media, particularly Instagram.
This same pattern happens to me several times throughout the day. When I’m bored? I check instagram. When I’m feeling sad? I check Pinterest. When I’m feeling frustrated? I’ll go to instagram. When I want to feel validated? I’ll post something, and then refresh every 15 minutes to see how many likes or views I’ve received.
I think if I were to add up the screen time I’ve spent this week on social media it would already terrify me—and it’s only Wednesday. And at 12pm on a Wednesday, I’m already at nearly 3 hours of social media time just for today. And that’s during a full work day!
What I’ve become very aware of during quarantine is my true social media colors, and the ways in which I’m allowing it to eat up my time. If it isn’t Instagram, it’s my emails (which I’m diving into before any person should be starting their work day) or it’s Pinterest and all of the perfectly laid out clothes, along exercises and home projects that never look awkward or hit any snags.
I’ve realized how many times I default to my phone, or Instagram, to waste time. I find myself mindlessly scrolling under the impression that it’s totally fine, and it definitely won’t affect me negatively.
And this just isn’t the reality. Social media affects me in a lot of ways; mainly I’ve seen it affect me by leading to comparison, judgment and people pleasing.
Can you relate?
COMPARISON
I’m not sure about you, but for me, scrolling on Instagram can lead straight to comparing myself to everyone else on my feed. Before long, I’m past the excitement phase for others, and into the “why can’t that be my life” phase—which isn’t healthy, and isn’t how God has called me to walk through life.
Romans 12:6 in the Message translation says: “Let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.”
Ouch, right?
God made me the way I am for a reason. God intricately designed me and created me to be the person I am becoming today (Jeremiah 1:5). More than that, God doesn’t make mistakes. So while I am sitting there comparing my life to someone else’s, God is saying, “I’ve made you to be exactly who you are! I didn’t make you to be another person.”
This is such an important idea to wrap our heads around. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re essentially telling God He didn’t do a good enough job in creating us the way He did.
Something I also have to actively keep in mind when I spiral into comparison is that most of the time, these people aren’t posting the bad days to Instagram. They are posting the best angles, the best shots, and the best moments. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there in my pajamas at 11:30AM on the weekend comparing my everyday moments to their highlight reels.
In his book Rooted, Banning Liebscher says: “If there was ever a more unstable source upon which to establish our significance, it’s comparing our lives to others’, especially through the images we see on Facebook and Instagram. Looking at someone’s life through moments captured in photographs is like looking at an iceberg from the deck of the Titanic.”
God ultimately never calls me to comparison, He calls me to contentment. Contentment in who He has made me because He is my Creator and has specifically and intricately designed me the way He wants me to be.
PEOPLE PLEASING
What I’ve also noticed about myself on social media is the desire to prove my worth and value through my following, content or likes. And this can be the slipperiest of slopes.
There’s nothing wrong with posting, and throwing up a story now and then. But too often, before I even realize it, I’m refreshing my feed to see who has seen my story and how many people have liked my post (and when I’m extra petty, I’m checking who has liked my post).
When I’m doing this, I’m measuring my success by numbers. And all that these numbers represent is popularity and material success. Do they actually measure my worth? No. Do they actually measure my value? No.
The only person who measures my worth and my value are God.
Worth and value are given to me the second I say yes to Jesus. God deems me worthy. He deems me valuable. And that is the fact that I can base my life off of and take into the rest of my decisions.
So while it might be easy for me, as a people pleaser, to add on to God’s measures of value and worth. Knowing that I’m considered worthy by Jesus means that I come at decisions from a place of worth not for worth.
The desire to people please slips in so easily, especially when it comes to social media, where we’re seeing all of the validation that other people are getting and experience that we want to be a part of.
JUDGMENT
Another facet of our mental, emotional, and spiritual lives that social media affects is judgment. And this is typically a byproduct of comparison and bitterness.
If I don’t have what she has, or I’m not at the level she’s at, bitterness grows in my heart—and then it turns quickly into judgment.
But Jesus doesn’t exactly condone judgment. In fact, He comes down pretty aggressively on it:
Matthew 7:1-5 (ESV) says: “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye. OR how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Luke 6:37 (ESV) says: “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Oooof. Can I be honest for a second?
It’s really easy to claim our judgmental attitudes are “righteous indignation” about something. But the reality is that we are not meant to be judgmental at all. We are all sinners saved by grace. We are not meant to judge others because we have received the mercy of God through Jesus’ sacrifice. And because of God’s mercy, because we are covered by the blood of Jesus—we are not judged.
So when I’m judgmental, I’m essentially saying in my heart, “Jesus’ sacrifice wasn’t enough.” I’m also trying to rival with God’s place as Judge. And I’m not meant to ever step into His role in that way.
Maybe this feels a little extreme, but Jesus was point blank in the Bible: do not judge.
So if Instagram is causing me to slip into a spiral of judgment, there are some action steps that I should take:
Five things I can do for a healthier relationship with social media
Determine your why.
Maybe this seems a little serious for social media, but heart checks are always vital when something feels off. It’s important to be completely honest with yourself when you ask these questions:
What purpose does social media serve in my life?
Am I on social media to genuinely connect with people?
Am I spending more of my time scrolling and comparing and being judgmental?
When I’m on social media, how do I feel?
How does social media affect the rest of my day?
Is social media bringing me closer to God, or farther away from him?
2. Take a social media fast.
Personally, God consistently calls me into social media fasts. And while at first they sting, and I feel like I’m missing out on something, they are so beneficial. When I fast social media, I realize how often I go to the app, and it helps me to redirect my time into activities that are going to be more beneficial to myself, to those around me, and more fulfilling to God’s purpose for my life.
You can do a fast for one day a week, or for a month. Whatever it is that the Lord asks you to do, be obedient to it.
3. Give yourself the freedom to unfollow.
Seriously, though. Allow yourself to unfollow or mute accounts that suck you into comparison and judgment.
Maybe this seems intense. But honestly, it’s the most freeing thing.
4. Delete the application on your phone or set a time limit.
Setting enforced time limits with the help of apps helps immensely. It allows you to be on the application for a certain amount of time each day, and after that it kicks you off.
I find this to be extremely helpful because I do love going on social media and checking on people, but it’s so easy for that original motivation to slip into something uglier, or for my intended 15 minutes to turn into three hours. So it allows me to be intentional with my time on social media while also creating healthy boundaries with it.
5. Accountability in community.
Maybe an accountability partner seems too serious or silly when it comes to social media. But if social media is a legitimate struggle for you, then it isn’t silly or too intense to set up ways to maintain accountability. If time off social media is going to help your heart and your spirit, then you have to do what you need to do.
Especially when setting time limits, it helps to give someone else the passcode to the time limit function on your phone. That way you aren’t going on the app for longer than you want to.
I don’t want to seem like I’m making social media out to be the worst thing in the world. Truly, it’s awesome. And I love the community that it fosters, and all of the people that can be reached through it. It allows me to connect to family in Italy and friends in South Africa. It gives me the ability to see what’s going on in the lives of friends I might not get to see in person often.
I just know for me, during quarantine especially, it has brought some ugly things up in me that I have had to be intentional to call out in myself.
Have you struggled with social media? Share in the comments below some intentional boundaries you’ve set with it!
