Seasons of Waiting

Seasons of Waiting

Wait.

A four letter word that, if I’m being honest, I don’t exactly love.

I love Amazon Prime. I love being able to immediately look things up on my phone. Even with grad school - gone are the days where I have to go to the library to do the research, now I can pull research articles and commentaries up within seconds. Life has almost created this inability to wait.

We live in a world where Instagram makes overnight success look like a reality for everyone except us. Our Amazon Prime packages make it to our doors in two days, if not one, and anything longer than that borders on infuriating. We can stick food in the microwave and have a meal in a few minutes, or we can pick up something on the way home rather than cook. And if we’re being honest, if the drive-through process (or pick up process) takes me longer than 15 minutes, I’m getting frustrated. 

And in all of this, we’ve lost the art of waiting. Yet the Bible constantly calls us to wait on the Lord. Here are just three examples: 

Psalm 27:14 (ESV) says “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” 

Psalm 130:5-6 (ESV) says: “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning.” 

Micah 7:7 (ESV): But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

All of these scripture references about waiting show me that waiting is more of a lifestyle than something I do once, maybe twice. And if waiting is a lifestyle we are called into, then I have to learn how to wait well.

How I steward the time between the anointing and the fulfillment determines how I walk out the fullness of His promises.

I need to get to a place where my character can sustain whatever it is that God has for me. So if I am quick to criticize God’s timing and quick to hurry through the waiting seasons, my character won’t grow to the capacity that it needs to. How I sit in the waiting, how I learn God’s character during that time, will ultimately direct how I walk out His promises. 

God doesn’t want me to wait full of angst and anxiety and tension. God wants me to walk out waiting seasons rooted in joy, peace, and expectation, knowing that His faithfulness is a sure facet of His character. But all of this is easier said than done. 

Because waiting seasons are hard. It is hard to sit in a season of waiting, watching as other people are walking into their promised lands. It’s hard to sit in a season of waiting and maintain joy and expectancy when it seems like your dream is the equivalent of Lazarus - dead and in a tomb. It’s hard to sit in a season of waiting when you feel like if you could just pray the right prayer, or do the right thing, then you would immediately be transported into your promised land. 

But can I just say: there is no “correct prayer” that’s going to transport me into my promised land. This type of mentality is only going to make the waiting season more tense and filled with dissonance. I have to come to the place of acceptance that waiting seasons make me more dependent on God--which is a good thing, even when it feels scary. Waiting seasons cause me to rely on Him and Him alone. 

I can’t get to the promise by striving and working hard enough. While yes, there’s a level of obedience that I’m responsible for, it is God who ultimately brings me into the promise at the right time. And I have to trust that His timing for me is perfect. 

I have to realize that God doesn’t send waiting seasons to punish me; that’s not His heart or His character. He allows them to develop me. He allows waiting seasons to grow and refine my character and make me the woman of God He has called me to be. 

God wants my character to be able to sustain the promise. And so He fulfills His word. Not too soon. And not too late. His timing is perfect. Always. 

Isaiah 55:10-11 (ESV) says:

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

God’s word never returns void, it never returns empty. His word always accomplishes that which He has purposed for it. 

So whatever it is you are waiting for - a promotion, a spouse, a house, a job, financial help, healing, etc. - His word accomplishes what it is purposed for. Always. 

Numbers 23:19 (ESV) says:

“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”

When I doubt God’s faithfulness in waiting seasons, I doubt His character and I believe a lie about Him. So in the waiting I have to wrestle with Him, I have to confront the lies that I believe about His character and His goodness towards me and replace those lies with truth. 

So when I doubt, when I question if God will come through for me.  Or if He will be faithful. I have to go to scripture and remind myself that my God is faithful and He cannot change His character. So I rest in His faithfulness and know that He will bring to pass whatever He has said. 

Continue to go after God and pursue the fruit that lasts in waiting seasons. 

Let’s be women who desire fruit that lasts. And let’s not strive for short term fruit. 

We can waste the waiting season focusing on short-term fruit, and that short-term fruit will look different for each person depending on what they’re asking the Lord for. But it’s the fruit that lasts, the fruit we’re supposed to desire that we’re after. 

Galatians 5:22-23 lists these fruits of the Spirit out - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

So let’s be women who pursue these things in the waiting seasons of life. Let’s be women who seek the Lord, and pursue His heart. Women who champion others on as they walk into their promised land. Women who are real and vulnerable before the Lord and let Him do the deep work while they wait for promises to be fulfilled. 

I don’t say any of this coming from a place of “I’ve made it.” I’ve seen God come through on promises, and there are many others that I’m still waiting on. But one thing I’m confident in is that He will bring the breakthrough, He will bring the promise to fruition, but in His timing - and His timing is a lot better than mine. He is faithful, He cannot go back on His Word, and He will complete the words He has spoken over you. But be patient, pursue the fruit that lasts, rely on Him, and your waiting season will transform to one of expectancy and joy.  

Do you find yourself in a season of waiting? What’s one scripture that has encouraged you in this season? Comment in the section below! 

Stop, All the Way: The Importance of Rest

Stop, All the Way: The Importance of Rest

“So, what have you been up to lately?” 

A question, in all of its varying forms, that I have slowly learned to hate. For starters, my mind always draws a blank, forgetting nearly everything I’ve done within the last 36-hour window. Secondly, it immediately causes a wave of anxiety where I think back to my schedule the last few weeks - what have I been doing? Where have I been? Have I done anything of worth or value or have I just completed New Girl for the fourth time? Do I have anything at all to show for the last few weeks? 

I huff out an answer: “I’ve been so swamped at work! So many meetings, I feel it’s all I do! Not to mention my new gym schedule and grad school starting, I just don’t know when I have a chance to breathe!”

Then maybe we schedule a coffee date for two weeks away - or any time in the next month - where I find a day that’s already booked but can squeeze in another thing if I juggle my time well. 

This was a typical pre-COVID interaction for me. Constantly filling up my schedule, hanging on to my exhaustion with pride over my overbooked calendar. 

But how ironic is it that we’ve even managed to keep ourselves busy in a pandemic where we’ve been forced to stay home? 

The same question gets asked. And while our schedules look completely different, that doesn’t mean we’re any less prone to filling our schedules. Just think of all we’ve attempted to do during quarantine: 

• Getting new hobbies.

• All the house renovations. 

• Baking sourdough bread.

• Baking in general (because let’s be real, with several seasons of Great British Bake Off on Netflix, we truly can become the next Great British Baker).

• Working out every single day.

• Reading five books a week.

• Starting a side hustle.

• And the list goes on and on.

Our culture’s tendency to glorify busyness and embrace exhaustion has hit new levels. We fill our schedules up with stuff - so much so that we never get a second to breathe. In fact, we tend to consider ourselves lazy if our schedules aren’t completely packed.

Recently, I was on a run and was stopped (ironically) by the stop sign by my house.

“Stop. All the way.”

And that necessary reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Do I ever really stop? Do I ever actually stop all the way? Have I glorified my busyness so much that I’ve pushed God out of my day-to-day life?

The truth is, rest isn’t embraced nearly enough as busyness is glorified. 

But God calls us to rest. He doesn’t want us exhausted, overworked and with packed out schedules with little to no breathing room.

God invites us into an extravagant life. One that includes rest. 

But in acknowledging our need for rest and acknowledging God’s gift of rest, we also need to redefine it. Because I don’t believe God’s definition of rest is necessarily sitting on the couch all day binging the newest Netflix show.  Rest isn’t meant to be legalistic either. Rest is supposed to be breathing room for the soul, engaging in activities that embrace His Presence. 

As the Bible Project blog so eloquently stated: 

“We take a break from the broken rhythms of hustle and hardship to set aside a time of submission to His rule and enjoyment of His Presence and to extend these things to the world around us. When we observe the Sabbath (day of rest) well, we become little resting places of God’s Presence.”

Rest does not necessarily mean inactivity. If God Himself is dynamic, so is His rest. So rest for us is a break from the hustle and a time to spend enjoying His Presence. It’s creating space to practice for our eternal reality and a time to intentionally stop, and make room for Him in our lives. 

So, why is rest so important for us as women? 

Neglecting rest rejects God’s best for us

In creation, God showed us the importance of rest by actually resting on the seventh day. Now, did the Creator of the entire universe need to rest? Probably not. But in doing so, He showed us the rhythms of rest He wants us to embrace. 

Rest is not meant to be condemning or shaming, because you should be doing something else. It’s meant to come from a place of honoring God, slowing down, and breaking the cycle of the hustle in order to refill your soul and spirit. 

You can’t keep giving from an empty cup, and a day of rest (or a Sabbath) ultimately refills your spiritual, mental and emotional cup. 

When I don’t embrace rest, I essentially tell God I can do this without Him. When I don’t embrace rest, I miss out on the best that God has for me. I continue to pour out and out without creating a space to be poured in to. 

Neglecting rest sets us up for failure

When I keep up the cycle of the hustle and never stop completely, burnout quickly looms on the horizon. Where before long, I’m too burnt out to even think about rest. 

I’m not created to do it all, I was never meant to play superwoman. Because I was never meant to be God. 

And when I play god, I set myself up for failure. We rest our lives in the unshakable foundation of Jesus - and it’s from Him that everything else flows. When I set myself up as god and play superwoman, attempting to do it all, I set my life on a cracked and shaky foundation. 

Rest is beautiful. It’s supposed to bring us closer to Jesus and increase our intimacy and dependence on Him. It’s the perfect place to be, but the hardest place to get in a culture that elevates hustle above all else. 

Jesus teaches us how to rest

The beautiful thing about Jesus is He doesn’t just command us to rest and then leave us high and dry without a how or a why. The Scriptures are filled with words that testify to the importance of rest. Jesus Himself would escape the crowds and find time to rest. 

“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.””

— Mark 6:31 (NIV)

Jesus was recognizing that the disciples had a packed schedule. And when you’re walking around with the Savior of the entire world, I can imagine that’s more of a packed schedule than I’m used to. 

They were so busy, it says, that they couldn’t even find time to enjoy a meal. So what does Jesus say? Not, “let’s hustle, we can eat something quick while we walk, we’ve got to get to the next town on the list.” 

No, instead He invites them to a quiet place for some much needed rest. 

Jesus doesn’t want us walking around exhausted. He wants us walking around with our cups full, filled with His joy. And this is what He was trying to get the disciples to understand. 

In Matthew, Jesus goes on to show us how we rest: 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

When we join ourselves with Jesus, we invite Him to teach us rhythms of grace, peace and rest. We invite Him to show us what rest looks like - and here, it looks like walking with Him. Letting Him guide our lives and direct our steps. 

And this scripture takes the legality out of honoring the Sabbath - Jesus’ yoke is easy, He does not want to give us heavy burdens. He’s simply inviting us to walk with Him. 

We need to create a margin for rest in our lives. Especially now, as we’re slowly starting to come out of quarantine and things are starting to open up again it would be a disservice to ourselves and God if we slipped right back into the rhythms of hustle. 

So, here are five questions to ask ourselves about rest in our lives:

1. What is restful for my soul? 

2. What does an intentional day of rest look like to me?

3. What does rest look like that embraces and invites the Presence of God? 

4. What are times of rest I can set in my week? 

5. How do I protect those times? 

Rest will look different for all of us, but the heart will be the same: time in union with our Heavenly Father. For some it might be nature hikes, or runs. For others it might be sitting down to read a good book and enjoy a meal with family. For others, it might be disconnecting from your phone for a day. 

Whatever rest looks like for you, create a margin for it in your life. 

Write some of your responses to the five questions asked above in the comment section below! 

The Unhealthy Spiral of Social Media

The Unhealthy Spiral of Social Media

My alarm goes off every morning at 6:30AM, and in a perfect world, my right thumb would immediately open the Bible app. I would walk downstairs and make my coffee, all while simultaneously reading a Psalm. And then I’d set up my devo area for the perfect morning devotional experience. 

Unfortunately, quarantine has shown me that as much as I wish this was my reality, I have a much different one that goes a little something like this: 

I finally wake up around 8AM. I open my phone, check my email, and then immediately scroll right to that lovely Instagram app I adore so much. 

First, I scroll through my feed. It starts out innocently enough, and with a genuine interest in the posts of those I love, those I’m in community with, and those whose lives I love to follow. Real joy and excitement flow through me… until my innocent scrolling starts to take an uglier form: 

Does she get all of her photos professionally done? They’re perfect, with the best filters. Mine never look like that.

Did she seriously edit that photo? Did she photoshop herself!? I know my legs don’t 

look like that. Or my skin. Ugh. Her skin looks flawless while I’m over here struggling 

with adult acne.

The next person is a video about their personal opinions on the political climate in America. My anxiety immediately increases, and while I can recognize that I don’t actually need to know their political opinions, I just can’t look away. If they’re views align with mine, I’m fine. If their views go against mine, it’s an ugly spiral of “what makes them an expert in this area?!” Wanting to fact check all the data and wanting to respond in a post about my political views right now.

Then I make my way over to the stories tab: 

Someone has just posted their to-do list for the day. I immediately start thinking of all the things I should get done today and all the things I didn’t finish yesterday. Even if I’m due a rest day, and I just want to sleep in and enjoy my morning, my brain is already running a mile a minute with a to-do list of things to get done.      

The next story perfectly chronicles a friend’s morning devotional experience—which mine is turning out to be the complete opposite of. I shouldn’t be allowed to check emails or social media without having two cups of coffee in me (minimum). 

The next is one of my favorite celebrities, and while I would love to pretend that I would never compare my life to theirs, I’m immediately affronted by bitterness because it wouldn’t be that bad to spend quarantine holed up in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. I immediately start a “woe is me” spiral of how my life will never look like theirs. 

This train of thought continues, maybe sparingly if some of my closest friends are in this group of stories and posts, before I head to the discover page on Instagram. Here I’m bombarded with the latest news that really isn’t news, just people’s opinions. These all immediately spike my anxiety as I’m bombarded by horrible news. And I’m down several rabbit holes of opinions, beliefs and conspiracies. And a funny reel here and there. 

All this before I refresh my feed and start this process over again. 

Of course, this is an ugly look into the reality of social media, particularly Instagram. 

This same pattern happens to me several times throughout the day. When I’m bored? I check instagram. When I’m feeling sad? I check Pinterest. When I’m feeling frustrated? I’ll go to instagram. When I want to feel validated? I’ll post something, and then refresh every 15 minutes to see how many likes or views I’ve received. 

I think if I were to add up the screen time I’ve spent this week on social media it would already terrify me—and it’s only Wednesday. And at 12pm on a Wednesday, I’m already at nearly 3 hours of social media time just for today. And that’s during a full work day! 

What I’ve become very aware of during quarantine is my true social media colors, and the ways in which I’m allowing it to eat up my time. If it isn’t Instagram, it’s my emails (which I’m diving into before any person should be starting their work day) or it’s Pinterest and all of the perfectly laid out clothes, along exercises and home projects that never look awkward or hit any snags. 

I’ve realized how many times I default to my phone, or Instagram, to waste time. I find myself mindlessly scrolling under the impression that it’s totally fine, and it definitely won’t affect me negatively. 

And this just isn’t the reality. Social media affects me in a lot of ways; mainly I’ve seen it affect me by leading to comparison, judgment and people pleasing. 

Can you relate?

COMPARISON

I’m not sure about you, but for me, scrolling on Instagram can lead straight to comparing myself to everyone else on my feed. Before long, I’m past the excitement phase for others, and into the “why can’t that be my life” phase—which isn’t healthy, and isn’t how God has called me to walk through life.

Romans 12:6 in the Message translation says: “Let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.” 

Ouch, right? 

God made me the way I am for a reason. God intricately designed me and created me to be the person I am becoming today (Jeremiah 1:5). More than that, God doesn’t make mistakes. So while I am sitting there comparing my life to someone else’s, God is saying, “I’ve made you to be exactly who you are! I didn’t make you to be another person.” 

This is such an important idea to wrap our heads around. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re essentially telling God He didn’t do a good enough job in creating us the way He did. 

Something I also have to actively keep in mind when I spiral into comparison is that most of the time, these people aren’t posting the bad days to Instagram. They are posting the best angles, the best shots, and the best moments. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there in my pajamas at 11:30AM on the weekend comparing my everyday moments to their highlight reels. 

In his book Rooted, Banning Liebscher says: “If there was ever a more unstable source upon which to establish our significance, it’s comparing our lives to others’, especially through the images we see on Facebook and Instagram. Looking at someone’s life through moments captured in photographs is like looking at an iceberg from the deck of the Titanic.” 

God ultimately never calls me to comparison, He calls me to contentment. Contentment in who He has made me because He is my Creator and has specifically and intricately designed me the way He wants me to be. 

PEOPLE PLEASING

What I’ve also noticed about myself on social media is the desire to prove my worth and value through my following, content or likes. And this can be the slipperiest of slopes. 

There’s nothing wrong with posting, and throwing up a story now and then. But too often, before I even realize it, I’m refreshing my feed to see who has seen my story and how many people have liked my post (and when I’m extra petty, I’m checking who has liked my post).

When I’m doing this, I’m measuring my success by numbers. And all that these numbers represent is popularity and material success. Do they actually measure my worth? No. Do they actually measure my value? No. 

The only person who measures my worth and my value are God. 

Worth and value are given to me the second I say yes to Jesus. God deems me worthy. He deems me valuable. And that is the fact that I can base my life off of and take into the rest of my decisions. 

So while it might be easy for me, as a people pleaser, to add on to God’s measures of value and worth. Knowing that I’m considered worthy by Jesus means that I come at decisions from a place of worth not for worth. 

The desire to people please slips in so easily, especially when it comes to social media, where we’re seeing all of the validation that other people are getting and experience that we want to be a part of. 

JUDGMENT

Another facet of our mental, emotional, and spiritual lives that social media affects is judgment. And this is typically a byproduct of comparison and bitterness. 

If I don’t have what she has, or I’m not at the level she’s at, bitterness grows in my heart—and then it turns quickly into judgment. 

But Jesus doesn’t exactly condone judgment. In fact, He comes down pretty aggressively on it: 

Matthew 7:1-5 (ESV) says: “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye. OR how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” 

Luke 6:37 (ESV) says: “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” 

Oooof. Can I be honest for a second? 

It’s really easy to claim our judgmental attitudes are “righteous indignation” about something. But the reality is that we are not meant to be judgmental at all. We are all sinners saved by grace. We are not meant to judge others because we have received the mercy of God through Jesus’ sacrifice. And because of God’s mercy, because we are covered by the blood of Jesus—we are not judged. 

So when I’m judgmental, I’m essentially saying in my heart, “Jesus’ sacrifice wasn’t enough.” I’m also trying to rival with God’s place as Judge. And I’m not meant to ever step into His role in that way.

Maybe this feels a little extreme, but Jesus was point blank in the Bible: do not judge. 

So if Instagram is causing me to slip into a spiral of judgment, there are some action steps that I should take: 

Five things I can do for a healthier relationship with social media

1. Determine your why.

Maybe this seems a little serious for social media, but heart checks are always vital when something feels off. It’s important to be completely honest with yourself when you ask these questions:

What purpose does social media serve in my life?

Am I on social media to genuinely connect with people? 

Am I spending more of my time scrolling and comparing and being judgmental? 

When I’m on social media, how do I feel? 

How does social media affect the rest of my day? 

Is social media bringing me closer to God, or farther away from him?

2. Take a social media fast. 

Personally, God consistently calls me into social media fasts. And while at first they sting, and I feel like I’m missing out on something, they are so beneficial. When I fast social media, I realize how often I go to the app, and it helps me to redirect my time into activities that are going to be more beneficial to myself, to those around me, and more fulfilling to God’s purpose for my life. 

You can do a fast for one day a week, or for a month. Whatever it is that the Lord asks you to do, be obedient to it. 

3. Give yourself the freedom to unfollow. 

Seriously, though. Allow yourself to unfollow or mute accounts that suck you into comparison and judgment. 

Maybe this seems intense. But honestly, it’s the most freeing thing. 

4. Delete the application on your phone or set a time limit. 

Setting enforced time limits with the help of apps helps immensely. It allows you to be on the application for a certain amount of time each day, and after that it kicks you off. 

I find this to be extremely helpful because I do love going on social media and checking on people, but it’s so easy for that original motivation to slip into something uglier, or for my intended 15 minutes to turn into three hours. So it allows me to be intentional with my time on social media while also creating healthy boundaries with it. 

5. Accountability in community. 

Maybe an accountability partner seems too serious or silly when it comes to social media. But if social media is a legitimate struggle for you, then it isn’t silly or too intense to set up ways to maintain accountability. If time off social media is going to help your heart and your spirit, then you have to do what you need to do. 

Especially when setting time limits, it helps to give someone else the passcode to the time limit function on your phone. That way you aren’t going on the app for longer than you want to. 

I don’t want to seem like I’m making social media out to be the worst thing in the world. Truly, it’s awesome. And I love the community that it fosters, and all of the people that can be reached through it. It allows me to connect to family in Italy and friends in South Africa. It gives me the ability to see what’s going on in the lives of friends I might not get to see in person often. 

I just know for me, during quarantine especially, it has brought some ugly things up in me that I have had to be intentional to call out in myself. 

Have you struggled with social media? Share in the comments below some intentional boundaries you’ve set with it! 

Three Things Grief Taught Me

THREE THINGS GRIEF TAUGHT ME 

For just under twelve years my father had been battling cancer in one of the most valiant fights I have seen. When the words were spoken over him, he simply continued on in life not believing them. He believed in the power of story. And the story he wrote over himself was a champion of cancer, through multiple chemotherapy rounds, surgeries, medicines, and every treatment possible.

As the years progressed, so did my dad’s cancer. While he still maintained the overcomer and champion mindset, cancer continued to ravage his body. It started in his colon. Led to his lung. Then his liver. And then his kidney. 

The amazing thing was that through all of this, he was resilient. He was strong. He was stubborn and Italian – so of course he was going to defeat cancer, there was no other way.

And then Tuesday, March 10th happened. The day started as any normal day would – I woke up late, ran downstairs to grab coffee, and go on with my normal morning routine. But something was off. My dad, who always said “good morning” was sitting in his chair, left arm shaking, with a look of fear on his face. My dad, the stoic and stubborn one, had no control over his own body.

A few hours later, huddled in a hospital room, we got the final diagnosis. The cancer was in my dad’s brain.

My dad continued to fight, lapsing in and out of medically induced comas. But soon there were no other options. The hospital gave us 3-6 months with him. My dad was transferred to a Hospice to live peacefully for what time he had left. 

Months turned to weeks and on April 18th my dad went Home to be with his Heavenly Father and transitioned to heaven. All of this, amidst a global pandemic.

It’s hard to put to words just how deep and raw and agonizing the loss of a parent feels. The initial wave of shock. The anger. The sorrow. The guilt over laughing at memories or an episode of New Girl instead of grieving as I should be.

But in this post, I want to share with you three things I learned about grief. I’m not a professional and I want to preface this with: I’m still learning. Three months later, my grieving process is far from over.

There’s a big difference between feeling comfortable with a situation and having peace in a situation.

Okay, so I can’t take credit for this because it came from the first counseling session after my dad’s passing. But this hit me.

For me, comfort means I am free from stress. It means I’m enjoying physical comfort or security. Peace, on the other hand, is defined as a state of tranquility or harmony. In Jesus, we know that we are given a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I think a lot of the time I equate comfort to peace. I believe  I should feel good. But I realized I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that my dad had passed. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel comfortable in this new normal I’ve been forced into. But I do know that I can feel the peace of God. I can recount moments in my grief where He has flooded me with His peace and His presence.

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””

— John 16:33 NIV

What this says to me is that regardless of the troubles I face, I can have peace because of Jesus. So while the loss of my dad might never feel comfortable, amidst the struggle of grief I can find peace.

Maybe you are grieving the loss of someone amidst a pandemic. Or perhaps it’s the loss of a dream. Coronavirus came and threw our lives into chaos. . There’s grief to be felt in all of these circumstances. 

Community might be messy, but it’s always worth it. And when you’re grieving, it’s important to have people in your corner who know you and are there for you.

Whatever it is that you are facing or walking through, peace is a promise you can cling to. It’s easy to search for what’s comfortable at the moment, but being forced into a position of discomfort ultimately allows us to feel the peace of God. 

Take it from an enneagram 8 (hates loss of control, desires justice, protective, assertive, determined) who despises the thought of being vulnerable and transparent. Community is worth it.

When you’re grieving, you need people in your life who are there for you. People who will show up when needed. People who will pick up the phone. People who will be there for the long haul.

I didn’t need someone with all of the answers. I needed (and continue to need) someone to validate my feelings. To let me know that my tears were okay and call me out when my grieving was getting unhealthy. 

I would shy away from being a support for friends in their time of loss or need because I felt that I needed all of the answers. Or I would shy away because what I thought someone needed was space and time. So instead of saying anything, I would give space and time. Which more often was the worst response.  My own grieving process taught me that someone simply being there for me changes everything. 

It’s also important that I go to Jesus with these things. It’s easy to stiff-arm Him in the aftermath of loss (at least it was for me). But I kept people around me who called me out and prayed for me. Who didn’t let me run too far from the cross.

Things didn’t need to look cookie-cutter perfect with Him either. I could approach Him crying one morning, angry or even apathetic. There was a wide array of emotions I’m continuing to show and no matter what He is there for me. This assurance, that He will never leave or forsake me (Deut. 31:6), is something I can cling to. 

There’s no timeline for grief. You can’t control it.

There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be moments where you are laughing and enjoying the joy of a moment only to be hit by the weight of guilt at experiencing an emotion other than sorrow or anger.

I wanted there to be a lightbulb moment. I wanted to give my grief 3-6 weeks to work itself out. Ironically, it was at the 4-week mark that the weight of grief actually hit me.

I spent the first four weeks in shock. . I numbed myself with Great British Bake Off and the plethora of food that was dropped off for us by friends and relatives who we couldn’t even hug because of coronavirus. There were many sleepless nights, but not many tears past the day my dad passed. It was hard for me to articulate my emotions because I almost felt nothing.

But once the weight of grief hit me, it was as if the floodgates opened. My anger and short temper shocked me. The panic attacks and night terrors stopped me sleeping. . My dad’s death became this root in the back of my mind that seeped into everything:  work, reading, sleep. Things that reminded me of him would send me spiraling. There was grief for what happened and grief for all that I wouldn’t experience with him. And I cried. Finally. 

And even that is not the hardest part of the grieving process, according to an article by Dr. Caroline Leaf. She says the hardest part of grieving starts about three to six months after the initial loss when the shock has worn off.

This is why it’s so important to have people for the long haul in your corner. The cards stopped coming, for the most part, people stopped reaching out long before my first Father’s Day without my dad. But when that day happened, it was gutting and overwhelming. Father’s Day was right around the 3-month mark and I felt the sorrow like a ton of bricks.

I thought I had already mourned and walked through the grieving process. But I had barely begun.

I’m a control freak, so I hate that there’s no timeline on my grief. It’s a wholly unique and personal process. But God says, “For everything there is a season … a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4). My mourning will end, and my time of weeping will come to a close – but I have to ride out those emotions and those feelings for the season allotted. Joy will come in the morning. 

Although I had somewhat prepared for my dad’s passing, I was not prepared for grief. Grief is unique for everyone and I am still learning, but I have learned that there’s a difference between comfort and peace, the need for people in my corner, and that there’s no timeline to grief. 

If you feel comfortable, I would love to hear about your experiences with moving through grief and what helped you get through it in the comments below.

Rooted: The Most Important Book I've Read in 2020

The idea of going through a process isn’t exactly fun. I hear that word and immediately think something is going to be long, potentially messy, and have several ups and downs. Rooted, by Banning Liebscher, is all about the process that David went through from being anointed in the sheep fields, to his appointment and ultimate legacy as the king of Israel. 

David was just a teenager when he was anointed by the prophet Samuel to be the future king of Israel and it wasn’t until about seventeen years later when he actually became king. His story is filled with ups and downs - from serving Saul in the palace to running for his life while Saul was trying to murder him. What we see throughout Scripture, is that David’s life is a testament to building roots that last. 

As Christians, we are called to grow deep root systems and to produce lasting fruit in our lives. God speaks to us, and plants something in our hearts - a dream, a vision, a purpose - and it is our responsibility to steward that seed well. To provide an environment where that seed can grow and flourish into all that God wants it to be.

That’s exactly what David did - he was given a word by God and held onto that word throughout his life. He grew closer in intimacy with God every day and didn’t shy away from the secret place. We can learn so much from David’s life as we navigate the promises that God speaks over us and walk out the fulfillment of them. 

Banning speaks to three soils that God plants our lives in, in order to develop different levels of trust and truth. 

1. The soil of intimacy. 

This is where we learn to really trust God, it’s where we develop our secret place and grow in our intimacy with God. This is where we learn to trust God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do. 

Intimacy isn’t easy. It means admitting weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It means coming to God with the good and the ugly and letting Him speak to those areas of your heart. Intimacy also means spending time with God - reading His word, listening to His voice, and talking with Him. 

2. The soil of serving.

Jesus served others, so we are called to serve those around us. If we want to look like Jesus, we had better start serving.

Serving requires sacrifice. It means stepping out of comfort zones and sometimes doing things you aren’t incredibly passionate about. But it’s here, while we’re serving others, that we learn to truly love like Jesus.

It’s also here in the soil of serving that we learn the importance of humility. King David was humble throughout his entire life - willing to serve Saul who was in the position that he was promised. Yet he still served him with a joyful and willing heart.

3. The soil of community. 

Lastly, we are called to the soil of community. In our Western culture, this level of community that the Bible calls us to is almost counter-cultural. Society wants us to push and claw our ways to the top, and hustle until we can’t anymore. But Jesus calls us to do life alongside one another and embrace the messy and beautiful relationships that community brings. 

It’s in community that we hold each other accountable, that we encourage one another and equip one another. Community is where you say the hard things to those you love to keep them focused on Jesus and the plans He has for them. 

Rooted came into my life in unexpected circumstances (thank you COVID), but it was so perfectly timed. It came during a season where I was acknowledging that the development of the root system isn’t always fun.  

If I’m being honest, in my impatience, when the Lord speaks something over me I want to see that happen in the next few days. Waiting is not my forte, and I don’t always enjoy the process. But God enjoys the process with me. He leads me and He guides me through it.

When we compare Saul to David. We see Saul who is known for his fear of man, a king rejected by God because of disobedience. When we look to David on the other hand, we see a man that God calls “a man after His own heart.” 

I’m not sure about you, but I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. Regardless of the process, the length of time it takes to bring things to fruition, or what the journey might be like, I have to set my eyes on Jesus knowing that a relationship with Him is the greatest gift. And that the roots He’s growing in me will sustain me for the future that He has for me. 

 If we want to steward God’s promises well and be women who are found in His Word, and secure in our callings, I would encourage you to pick up this book and give it a read! 

Have you read this book before? If so, what were your thoughts?

If you’re planning on reading it, purchase your copy here - and then drop some thoughts in the comments below!